It’s 2020 you here. I’m going to save you the math and tell you that I’m in high school now, and boy have you changed in the past few years. I decided to write this because I want to kinda play your big sister for a second, even though you already have one (hi Jenny). I’m talking to you from the perspective of someone that has lived through your exact experiences, and these are just some things that I thought you needed to hear. It’s technically impossible for you to take this advice because we’re in 2020 now, but this is what I really wish someone told me then. These may be giant cliches, but they’re very much true. I’m also not at all trying to say that I’m a master of all of these things, but they’re statements that I think are really important and that I’m trying my best to uphold. Just to reiterate: I am not the gold standard in any way, shape, or form and still have no idea what I'm doing.
1. Stick with your friends
You have really great friends; they’re people that will stick with you for years, so hold on tight and don’t let go. There will definitely be times when you’re not the happiest with each other, and there will definitely be people who may seem “cool” or “popular”, but be friends with someone not because you like the idea of them but because you like them as a person. Don’t distance yourself from the people who have been with you through thick and thin, but also realize that friendships may fade away as you grow older.
2. Don’t make excuses not to try something new
Yes, it may be scary. Yes, you may not know anyone there. Does that mean you can make up random excuses to not do something out of your comfort zone? No way. Believe me, this is still a struggle. I definitely considered joining the speech team for over a year, telling myself that it would be too much work or commitment, but in the middle of sophomore year I finally just took a chance and went to a meeting. Now, I think of the speech team as family, and it’s something I regret not having started earlier. Going out of your comfort zone is not at all the most fun thing in the world to start, but you may find yourself pleasantly surprised.
3. Do what you want to do, not what you “should” do
Boy do I still need to work on this now. Regardless of what my current state is, this is something that you for sure need to keep in mind. Sure, those clubs and extracurriculars and advanced classes seem like the right thing to do, but do they make you happy? Would you be happier doing something else? Do things for yourself and not for other people or because they might look good. You’re going to have a whole bunch of opportunities thrown at you, and you need to figure out which ones you want to take because you’re genuinely interested in and which ones you might not be the happiest in.
4. Figure out your “why”
This will probably help you figure out the previous statement. With everything you do, you should know what your “why” is: why are you doing it? If you can’t find a concrete reason as to why you’re doing something, then maybe it may not be the most valuable experience for you. This is something that I haven’t really put too much deliberate thought into; sometimes it’s something that I just know subconsciously, like whether I’ll learn a lot from an opportunity or whether something will just be good fun, but I definitely need to consciously be aware of my purpose when I’m making decisions and making sure I’m doing things for the right reasons.
5. Stop comparing yourself to others
Easier said than done, I know, but comparing your intelligence, resume, body, looks, or life to those of others will only bring yourself down. I yammer on and on about this in another post I have scheduled about self-image, but getting bogged down in comparisons is never a good way to spend your time. It might seem easy to think of all of the ways that you’re not as good as the people you see on social media, but you have so much to be proud of that those people can never take away from you.
6. How you think of yourself > how you think others think of you
Going along with the previous statement, don’t care what other people think of you. I mean, yes, you should when they’re giving you constructive criticism and trying to help you, but you shouldn’t live your life for other people. Don’t worry about if other people think you’re “cool”, and don’t try to change yourself to meet their expectations. Those people likely don’t notice as much as you’re noticing about yourself because they have their own stuff to worry about; the best thing you can do is be happy with yourself and be proud of yourself and everything else will follow. Don’t be cocky though. That’s not good.
7. Change is natural
Of course, you shouldn’t change yourself for other people. However, you will grow up and you will change, and that is completely normal. You’re going to have different interests and your personality will change as you grow older (I’m literally still a teenager though so I don’t think I’m certified to talk about being old, but I can talk about getting older). That’s totally okay, and no one should be calling you out for simply growing up and maturing. If you develop an attitude and turn into a toxic person, then that’s a completely separate matter, but I will assure you that in the next few years, you will not become completely repulsive. Expect that you’re not going to be the exact same person in two years as you are now and know that there’s no problem with that.
8. Cherish your youth
Okay yes, you will change and that’s fine. However, you shouldn’t rush to change and act years older than you already are. So cliche, but you only live once, which means you’re only going to be eleven or twelve or thirteen once. Wanting to grow up and be independent is totally okay, but realize the value of being so young. As much as you might want to not qualify for the kids’ meal, you’ll later be thankful that you were in the age range for so long because man are restaurants expensive. Honestly, I have trouble with this still. Since I’ve started high school, I’ve just wanted to go to college and be on my own and start completely fresh. However, I feel like once I finally get there, I’m going to miss home and having a safety net two feet away and the familiarity of being around people I’ve known for forever. When I start stressing out over college finals, I’m really going to be missing the ease of middle school. And when I start having to pay my own rent, those times when I was living under someone else’s roof are going to feel like the real good times. Emphasis on real good.
9. Calm! Down!
Channel the words of Taylor Swift and caaaaaalm down. Take a chill pill. Stay low key and know that some things are best kept to yourself. You don’t have to tell everyone everything and get all of the iconic high school experiences and more to be happy. The fact that no one except you knows something doesn’t make it any less valid. I’m very confident when I say that your friends and family will still love you and think you’re mad cool even if you’re not some bubbly, larger-than-life version of yourself.
10. High school is just high school
I haven’t graduated or moved onto college or anything, but at the end of the day, high school is just that: high school. Not to scare you or anything, but there are bigger and badder things that will come up in the future. Yes, high school is important and you’re going to do a lot of growing up there, but not doing everything perfectly in high school isn’t the end of the world. You’re going to have regrets and that’s natural, but don’t let them eat at you. Instead of spending time dwelling on what ifs and what could’ve beens, figure out how you can prevent yourself from making the same mistake in the future.
You may be asking why I’m qualified to even speak on this, but from my couple years in high school, I’ve found that mistakes I’ve made or thought were the end of the world didn’t really matter in the long run. If I get a bad score on a test, so what? There are plenty more. One or two bad test scores made little to no difference in the opportunities that I got and the experiences I was able to have. Those mistakes actually taught me good lessons. Now, I don’t know about how your experiences in high school will impact you in college and beyond, but I do know that the things that I regretted and stressed about in years past proved to be way less important than I thought they were. The problems you face may seem like the biggest things in the world, but I can assure that they’re not. That’s not to say that your problems aren’t valid, because they for sure are, but take some time to put everything in perspective.
Well, that’s it from me. Hopefully you found this helpful, and hopefully you find your middle and high school years fun. Maybe you just read the 10 bolded statements and moved on but nonetheless, I hope I helped you, even though I can’t change the past.
With love,
Caroline (in 2020)
Cover photo: Philadephia, PA
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