The mirror and I haven’t really been the best of friends over the years. I don't think we're the best of friends now, but I hope we will be. This isn't in a vain or self-absorbed way; this is in a “I want to be happy with what’s in front of the mirror” kind of thing. These are all of my thoughts and kinda my journey with self-image and body confidence over the years. I know I'm still young, and there’s a big bad world out there that I haven't even touched yet, but these are just my thoughts right now.
I’ve tried to write this post a few times already, and I’ve been debating whether to post this at all because it’s very personal and not the lighthearted stuff I usually post. At the end of the day, this is something that I want to encourage conversation about and something that I think I need to say. Today I’m going to focus on the “spotlight effect”, which, according to Psychology Today, is the “tendency to think that more people notice something about you than they do”. Really interesting article and a short read, so I recommend.
Just a note before get started: this is just my personal thought process that I wanted to share. I’m not trying to criticize any of you or seem like I’m above you in any way. This is as cliche as it gets, but I want you to know that you don't have to change for anyone; change for yourself because you want to, and definitely don't change to fit in a box or meet other people's expectations. As for me, this is not the end of my story by any means: I'm still insecure, and I will always be insecure. I want to come to you from a point of understanding, and hopefully if I share how I've been dealing with my insecurities over the years, it might help you. Maybe this won't impact you at all, but maybe this might give you a little bit of insight because this isn’t something I shared with anyone, really. Again, a cliche, but what you may see of a person may not be the full story. Also, if you’re friends with me and didn’t know all this, don’t treat me differently or anything. I’m not looking for pity in any way; I just wanted to share my thoughts.
Here are some sunflowers. If you listen to the song from Sierra Burgess is a Loser with the same name, you'll know why I chose this picture.
So, the spotlight effect and I are the best of friends!!!!! Yeah no, more like mortal enemies. Something that was mentioned in the Psychology Today article was a study had people wear bright yellow shirts to class and then predict how many people noticed their outfit; those people greatly overestimated that number because the people in the class didn’t notice or didn’t care about what color shirt their classmate was wearing. Like those people in the study, I’m hyper aware of all of the little things: stains on my shirt, how my legs look in a pair of jeans, all of these mundane things that shouldn’t matter, but do to me. I realize that the little things that I care all too much about, others simply don’t notice or don’t care. No one will notice that little stain on your jeans; no one will notice that your shirt isn't tucked in perfectly. But, even recognizing these kinds of things doesn’t mean that I don’t still care about them. I’m still so overly concerned about the way that people might perceive me, and I’m constantly overthinking and overanalyzing myself in a way that only I will do. I remember last winter I was so insecure about the dry skin around my mouth, and three months later when I talked to my friend about it he had no idea what I was talking about because he didn’t notice it or remember it when he talked to me. I think you just have to put this all in perspective: do you notice these things about other people? Is a tiny thing worth spending precious time stressing over?
Our culture only accentuates our insecurities. I always find myself comparing myself to the girls on social media and being overrun with jealousy of their looks, life, or talents. But again, this is an opportunity to put it all into perspective: these girls are insecure as well. Everyone’s insecure, and there’s never going to be a point where everyone looks at you and falls in love with you. We all just need to get to a point where we're in love with ourselves. Not in a vain way, but in a way in which we finally gain the confidence in ourselves that we for so long sought. An original song that Olivia Rodrigo wrote kind of encapsulates the negative impacts of social media/digital culture. It's linked here, and please read the caption!
At the end of the day, I just want to be happy. Right now I'm still working on it; of course I am proud of myself, but I still suffer from the spotlight effect, and I still have that overbearing need to compare myself to others. I want to live for myself. I want to exercise and eat well to be happy and healthy; I don’t want to look at myself in the mirror and pick out the insignificant little details.
For you: I want you to know that despite whatever kind of body type we may idolize on social media, that shouldn’t be the norm. We should be normalizing realistic body types. Those insecurities you have aren’t something that only you’re going through; everyone's body is different, so don’t try to hide yourself or change who you are for what other people may want from you.
I thought I would publish this but who knows? If you’re reading this now, hi, I’m Caroline, and I hope you know me a little better, and I hope you got to know yourself a little better too.
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